I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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