So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
