I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
