I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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