After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize