My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
