i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
