I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
