just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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