She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
