There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
