i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
