there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
