So gin and wine won't be happening again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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