we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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