Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
