They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
