SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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