My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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