It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
