Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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