My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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