I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize