apparently the secret to your success is patron
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
