god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
