I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just made my gag reflex go away.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize