the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
