shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
