he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
