Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
