So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
