I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
