I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can you bring me the toilet please
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
