with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
