I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
