Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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