the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize