Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
