ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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