I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
