she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
