Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
