sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
