It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
