Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
