That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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