well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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