and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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