Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
