That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
