I looked at my own cervix.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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