ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The best revenge is premature balding
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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