Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
