Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
