Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
