I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
