Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize