Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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