If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
