Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
