shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
