he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
