im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
