He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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