she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
