One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
