Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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