the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
