cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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