and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
