i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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