Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
