tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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