She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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