why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I didn't notice because vodka
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
