my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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