Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize