people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
