college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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