he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
