is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize