out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
