if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
