forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
