Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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