2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry about my life...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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