My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
