don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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