He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
