and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
