I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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