I cannot find my penis.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
