Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
