I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
