whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
