apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you would pick up someone in the library
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
