I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize