Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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