I want to make a zoo with you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize