we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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