oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
