I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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