I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
